I Want To Talk About "Mommy Issues"

An interesting thing happened when I typed “mommy issues” into Google. Mommy issues got only 3,060,000 results while daddy issues got nearly 4,670,000 results. Now I don’t want to be the one to overanalyze Google search results, but this could mean a number of things. The most obvious is daddy issues is searched more, but why? We all know what daddy issues are, and well, even that’s debatable. The definition for daddy issues is kind of like the definition of hoe, there isn’t one everyone can agree on.

I have no idea why daddy issues have become a huge trend and topic on the internet. I’m inclined to believe it’s a direct branch off the “sad boys and girls club” bullshit. I mean, it’s plastered on t-shirts and on the twitter pages and tongue of almost every teenage girl and boy. And in true fuckboy fashion men have found a term they can “diagnose” sexually liberated women with. Sigh. To add to the circus there is even apparel you can purchase with “daddy issues” written on them. I still haven’t figured out if that’s some kind of “warning” sign or a lighthearted way of mocking the men that throw the term around so loosely. I assure you I’m not trying to play kickball with the idiots online, but I do want to talk about...mommy issues.

It didn’t strike me that people even pondered about if men are able to have mommy issues until I did this Google search. Even then most of the articles were written by women about their own electra complex. Have men been left out of this psychological burden? Unlike women, who walk around in a constant state of worry they are a perpetuating a “daddy issue” stereotype, do men have a spot in the narrative? You fucking bet they do.

We all know what a “Mama’s Boy” is, which is definitely mostly used as an insult, but it’s not the same as a man with mommy issues. Mama’s boy implies he’s attached to his mother, which may be similar to mommy issues, but doesn’t reflect the same outcomes often time. Mothers, are seen and supposed to be perfect gifts to their children, and are often never blamed for a man’s screwed mental. While contrary to this, fathers take the fall for whatever off the wall behavior their daughter has. Just when you thought this whole stigma wasn’t misogynistic as hell, it is (as always). It’s not the fathers who are getting attacked for their daughter’s psych, but the daughters. Ha! It’s not news women are bashed for having daddy issues, but where’s the aggression towards the men that apparently made them this way? Crickets. Our overall conception of “daddy issues” has literally been defined and dominated by men! Our lives as women are defined by the main man in our life - our father.

Although women have their own jobs, form their own relationships, and create our own goals, we still aren’t seen as “responsible” enough to sort through our own stuff. Women can’t take ownership or be responsible for their own lives, because well, women can’t be responsible for anything! Right? In what men see as failures from women (sexual liberation, emotional attachment, etc) they aren’t willing to allow the woman to take ownership of that. So, they’ll diagnose you with daddy issues. Instead of viewing men’s issues like this, we expect the behavior because they’re a man! This unattractive behavior is never blamed on their mother. We allow men to take ownership of their own lives (whether they choose to or not). When men are sexually liberated, we never try and diagnose them, but instead, let them have full dictation, and even dub them as “the” man! So what does it take for a man to have mommy issues? I took the common qualifications seen with daddy issues and just applied them here:

1. Mother was absent in their life psychically/ emotionally.

2. Abused them while in present in their life.

3. Hurt his dad in some way, leaving a permanent impression on their idea of women and their role.

I hate for my ex to make a cameo, but my experience with him is crucial to my interpretation. Unfortunately, his mother died from cancer when he was very young. His parents had split before she passed so he was left to be raised by his father and stepmom. To be frank, his dad was an asshole and stepmom a raging bitch. My ex (I’ll call him Chad) often told me stories about his dad raising him to believe all women are whores and liars. Apparently his stepmom could never measure up to his father’s definition of a real woman. Neither of them were equipped to nurture a child emotionally and I got left with the baggage. There’s a lot of benefit to looking at past traumas - to identify them and heal them. But my ex never did that. He felt cheated out of a mother. Since the women in his life were both absent in some way, he used me for all of his motherly needs. This was not new for him. While I was with him he always tried to form a deep bond with women that had a motherly vibe; his friends moms, my mom, his sister, etc.

Chad could not understand the concept that one person could not give you all you needed, whether it be a mother or a girlfriend. From the start I was placed in this category of all the other women in his life, and because the main ones were absent, I could never seem to please him. He didn’t trust me because he didn’t trust women, period! His faith in women had completely diminished by early adolescence so it didn’t really matter what I did, there would always be something missing. Why? Because I could never be his mom, or the one he wish he had. I had to earn his respect. Prove to him I wasn’t like the others, and it was exhausting. I felt like I was raising someone’s child for them.

One woman that may be able to relate to me is the baby mama of Jody in the 2001 film, Baby Boy. The film’s symbolic meaning started from the very beginning; the opening scene is Jody inside his mother’s womb although he is a full size grown man. Jody, unemployed and not really looking to change that, has certified “mommy issues”, and is afraid to cut the umbilical cord and leave his mother. Although Jody has a son with a girl who just wants to have a family, he continuously cheats on her with other women. He relied on the mother of his child for numerous things emotionally and financially. He wasn’t ready to grow up and he blamed it on her. His mother, who raised Jody alone, has finally found happiness in her boyfriend Melvin. Jody (Baby Boy) can’t stand Melvin, and it all comes to a head in a very important scene where the two argue.

The argument concluded with both Melvin and Jody’s mother letting him know it was time he take ownership of his life. He was no longer a child and couldn’t rely on his mother to give him everything he needed, financially or emotionally. After writing all this is it really “daddy issues” or “mommy issues”? Or is it a human issue? Although women are definately put under more scrutiny for having one or the other, it’s up to all of us to be responsible for our own shit. Our emotions, our finances, what-the-fuck ever. But if you’re ever on the topic, don’t leave men out of it. We are all capable of of “missing something”, and yes, you’re entitled to your past, but focusing on it won’t do much for present day.

#nicolemilfie #mommyissues #article #babyboy #pervonthego