Interview Series: Afghan Spice

state your name / age / occupation

sina / 21 / freelance designer

are you currently dating?

i am in a relationship with myself, so yes, and i have a side boo.

how do you normally meet guys?

i feel like through mutual friends. it's the best kind of way to meet someone. i love when it's organic, you know? with the internet and all that shit it normally doesn't work out because people are too into themselves online.

i was going to ask how you felt about online dating.

i feel like it can work out for some people, but i feel like it works out best when you two already know each other - it's not like you've seen that person for the first time online. again, it just sucks because people use the internet to be someone they're not, rather than be true to who they are. i think the internet can be really deceiving.

catfishin' ass hoes haha. describe your sexuality.

i would describe my sexuality as not black and white. i think my sexuality has a lot of different colors and many different levels. i'm a very open person. i don't really have a 'type' in that kind of way and i don't think that my sexuality does either. i'm more attracted to people and personalities. i'm either really sexual or not sexual at all, so i'm really extreme in that way. i'm either not having sex for months or when i am having sex it's multiple times a day. i feel like the older i get the more open my sexuality becomes. you're taught from a young age that everything is so black and white - gay or straight, this or that, you're together or you're not - there's this whole grey area and i love the grey area. i'm so fucking grey, i don't want to be one way or the other.

agreed. there is a lot of middle ground that people are just now starting to explore and i think it's cool that more people are starting to recognize that things aren't so black and white. does your sexuality translate anywhere else in your life?

yea, i mean it's not even intentional. i'm just a really sexual person, so much so that it does translate into my everyday life - the way i dress, the way i carry myself, etc. i feel like sexy is the number one adjective used to describe me. i'm not really described as cute or anything like that - not that i can't be any of those things - it's just that from a young age i've always been this way. i'm not doing it for anyone else, i genuinely love feeling sexy vs feeling cute. i like feeling sexy over anything else. to me it's the most powerful feeling, i guess it's almost like a drug for me.

there is nothing wrong with feeling sexy ;) you're definitely not afraid to speak your mind, which is something i really respect about you, have you ever been discriminated against for being a sexual person or talking about sexual things?

for sure... all the time. the more i open up my mouth, the more backlash i get - especially when it comes to talking about sexual things or looking sexual in any way... sadly people don't want to see it. the worst part is that the main source of my discrimination comes from my own people (people of middle eastern descent & afghan people). i would say they make up 99% of my haters. it's like my cousins back home and shit (laughs), but if anything it makes me sad because those are the people i want to help. if anything, my haters are my purpose. i try not to let it get to me too much - if i see something rude i'll just delete it or block it. i'm not going to give my haters one second of my time. i'd rather devote my time and energy to people who are doing positive things.

fuck the haters. they are definitely a waste of time. you've mentioned to me before that you were bullied in high school, can you tell the readers your story and how you overcame the bullshit?

when i was a freshman, during the summer, i had made out with like 10 guys or something. literally just making out. everyone has their wild moments. all of the guys i made out with told people that we had had sex, when in all actuality we didn't go farther than kissing. of course, no one believed me when i tried to tell my side of the story. i had just started high school and already everyone was calling me a whore when i hadn't even slept with anyone yet. then there was another incident with a guy who i was seeing, who had a girlfriend, and i had no idea he was in a relationship. i didn't find out until later... and then i was labeled as a 'homewrecker' which was even worse. then all the girls at my school who didn't even know me hated me because word had gotten around. it was actually kind of funny though because in my AP english class junior year, my friends and i had to make a satire skit that we based it off the movie mean girls and it was about all the rumors these girls would spread about me that weren't true. making fun of the situation made it easier for me to deal with, because my friends and i knew it wasn't true. it's kind of hard dealing with that kind of situation because girls can be so mean. when you're younger you don't know not to take shit to heart, so it really helps to have a couple people to talk to. just know that you're going to get through it. i knew that one day i wouldn't have to deal with their bullshit anymore. have hope - don't ever lose hope. i think that's the most important thing.

high school can be so rough... little kids are so mean!! i'm glad you pushed through. what are your turn ons / turn offs?

turn offs... definitely guys that are too shy or too insecure. guys who aren't passionate about anything. on the flip side, i'm really turned on by guys who speak their mind and aren't afraid to stand out/go against the grain. i really like guys who have their own opinions and are passionate about something. so many people aren't passionate about shit. passion is sexy, but morals are even sexier. if you're a shady motherfucker i can't fuck with you. i want someone with dreams and morals, which is so rare, so if i can find that i'm down for you. another turn off, and i think this is because i've been getting healthier and taking better care of myself, is guys who don't take care of themselves (eat right, diet, exercise). if you're eating disgusting shit all the time it's a turn off because it shows me that you don't care about yourself or that you're ignorant.

your body is your temple - you have to treat it with respect ;) what's been your experience dating in LA?

dating in LA... shit i've had good and bad experiences. i was really naive when i moved here and i never thought to question people's motives and i realized that everyone here has a motive, whether it's good or bad. people will try to use you for the dumbest shit - shit you wouldn't even think about. dating out here... it's like when it's bad it's bad, when it's good it's good. i've had both. if you can meet one person who's really real out here it can be a game changer because you can connect on a different level. i don't let the bad jade me though, because life goes on.

do you play games? how do you deal with people that play games?

i used to play games. i think you're taught that you have to play games blah blah in order to win what you want (aka a relationship). when there's two people playing games you're really not going to get anywhere. the more i live my life i realize how short it is and how crazy it is and i've experienced a lot of loss... so i really don't have time for that nonsense. i barely have enough time to consider being in a relationship, let alone time to fuck around with that bullshit. i don't participate in the games anymore, i've just been really honest and upfront with people. it's crazy to be 100% honest because a lot of people can't handle that, and honestly i'm okay with it because it filters out the bullshit faster. i know what i want.

games are for children. are you a freak in the sheets?

yea. again, i'm an extremist so if i'm going to be in the sheets i'm going to bring it. there's no in-between for me. the older i'm getting the more i realize it's not worth it to have sex if it's not going to be amazing every time. i hate having sex in a bed all the time. everyone loves comfort, but i hate comfort in any way. i don't like to be repetitive... i really like surprise sex. don't ask me, just fuck me.

do you have any fetishes?

i'm used to controlling everything in my day to day life, so the bedroom is the one place i like to be bossed around and let go of my control. (laughs) i like to dress up and make things exciting. i like creating new experiences, so anything new is exciting to me. that's a fetish to me.

do you masturbate?

yea (laughs). if i'm not in a relationship, sometimes it gets really bad and i can do it like 5 times a day (laughs). i have to stop because i get so tired afterwards and i'll literally pass the fuck out. when i started masturbating regularly is when i started learning how to make myself orgasm every time i have sex. if i can do it to my self than i can get off every time and then it's not really the guy's responsibility.

i respect that. are you a single or relationship kind of girl?

i'm like this weird in-between. i'm a monogamous lover because i want some of the things a relationship can offer, but i don't want obligations or expectations that go along with it. i like doing my own thing, and i don't like having to check in all the time and do all that. at the same time, i don't like sleeping around with a bunch of different people because it's just not me and i'm not getting anything positive out of doing that. when we're together, let's be together. it's not even relationships that i don't like, it's people's ideals of what a relationship should be... what book did i not read that everyone got this bullshit from? (laughs)

haha seriously this isn't the 50s anymore - there are a lot of ways you can spend time with people. what defines cheating to you?

i've cheated before, but i've never emotionally cheated, because to me that's the worst thing you can do. it's one thing if you hook up with someone randomly - it's another thing if you're talking to someone all the time, calling and texting and becoming emotionally invested in them. it's different if you randomly hook up with someone you have no ties to. to me emotional cheating is so much worse than physical. people are animals... and i don't really know, i guess you can't really understand it until you've done it but it (cheating) can mean nothing. there's some shit that literally means nothing but sex. but overall, cheating is bad and i don't condone it.

what's the worst break up you've been through and how did you get through it?

the worst break up i went through wasn't my biggest love, but it was really bad because prior to seeing this guy i was already in a really bad place - and you shouldn't really fuck with anyone when you're mentally and physically unhealthy. i had just lost my dad and my mom was still in afghanistan and i was moving houses a lot... i didn't have a home, i didn't know who i was, i didn't know what i believed in anymore... i was just kind of sick for a little bit.

the death of your father and your mother being out of the country is enough to throw anyone through a loop. i'm sorry.

and then deciding to fuck with this guy when i was going through all of that... it just wasn't the right move. he broke up with me because he thought that i cheated on him, which i didn't, and it was horrible because he was the first guy i had ever slept with that i had feelings for. prior to that i wouldn't sleep with guys that i had feelings for.

well it can be scary being vulnerable with someone and giving them your body...

yea and it felt amazing once i finally slept with him because i had such strong feelings for him. it's so much better to sleep with someone you are down for. when he broke up with me and i remember being a mess. thankfully around this time i had just started school in san francisco, so i just remember being really busy. i was taking 6 classes and working 40 hours a week, so i didn't really have time to grieve or anything. i think staying busy was the best thing i could've done for myself at the time. it helped me not feel so alone because i was extremely lonely. immersing yourself in something definitely helps. the pain is never going to go away, but one day you kind of just learn how to live with it and learn how to use it for the better.

turning negativity into positivity is something we can all use some work on. thank you for sharing. do you ever see yourself getting married?

no. i'm down to be with someone for the rest of my life because i believe in monogamy, but i don't really believe in marriage. i don't need a piece of paper or a tax break to prove to society that me and this person are in love. i mean maybe when i'm older the definition of marriage will be different, but right now it's so sus to me. so yea, i don't really have any desire... but i would like to have a party and shit (laughs). i'm down to celebrate my love.

hell yea! love deserves a celebration ;) how do you normally get ready for a first date?

i try to do whatever makes me feel sexy. it depends on where we're going or where we're meeting, but i always do whatever makes me feel sexy. sometimes i feel my sexiest in sweatpants (laughs) it all depends... i never want to look like i'm trying too hard. if i dress up and do my hair and make-up, it's for me. everything i do is for me. i hate when guys get confused and think that i'm doing it for them. i'm getting dressed up for me so i can feel confident and have a good night.

what's the craziest sexual experience you've ever had?

hmm... shit. just recently i feel like i've been having some crazy experiences... i'll never forget one time i was having sex on a rooftop in hollywood and i'm really loud in bed - it's almost an issue sometimes (laughs) - and the cops got called on us because they could hear my voice echoing throughout the whole neighborhood. i was so embarrassed!!

haha i'm deadddd. what's your definition of love?

there are so many different types of love... i feel like love should be pure. just recently i've learned to love in a different way, almost like i'm loving for the first time. before i would love with expectations - i wanted something back in return for my love. true love has no expectations. you give just to give. if it's not unconditional love i'm not sure if i even want it. i truly believe that you can't love anyone unless you love yourself. you can be in love with different people in different ways... there's no right or wrong as long as you're not hurting anyone. love is love and if it's real, it never dies.

amen to that sister. do you have any final thoughts / last words on love / sex / relationships?

to any girls... i don't know if anyone can relate to me, but don't be ashamed of who you are. especially shout out to any sexy middle eastern bitches, you got more than those eyes! don't be ashamed to show it. i feel like so many people are ashamed of their sexuality... if you're not hurting anyone physically or emotionally you are not a bad person! and in fact you are a successful person! to me that's success and i think it's something to be proud of. be proud of your body and who you are. do it for yourself, that's all that matters.

#afghanspice #pervonthego #interview #shelbysells #sex #love #relationships #interview2014