Interview Series: Xanaxdreams

State Your Name/Age/Occupation

Gaby Gonzalez / 24 / Everything – Internet Sensation – Everything

You have a major following on the internet, how does internet fame affect your relationships/meeting new people/ etc. ?

first of all, some guys don’t get it, they’ve broken up with me because they don’t really understand twitter and me. because like twitter for me is a personality, you know what i mean? i’m being myself, i’m being whatever. some guys take that like i’m being a slut or whatever and they’ve broken up with me. that’s why i don’t date anyone from twitter because i don’t want them to know that side of me you know? twitter for me is like an escape – it’s something for fun – and guys don’t really understand that. they’re like ‘who are you? xanaxdreams or ga​by gonzalez?’ and i’m both. what i’m expressing are my inner thoughts and what i’m feeling inside. everyone needs an escape, it’s like a diary for me. relationships and twitter.. i just don’t see myself dating anyone from twitter it’s just too complicated. people get jealous because people flirt with me and i get a lot of attention and shit like that. it’s like too much you know what i mean?

what if you dated someone that was equally as twitter famous?

i’d be down for that. then they’d have the same thing, like they’d understand. i wouldn’t date someone more famous than me, just someone who’s known and has fans.

what if they weren’t super internet famous, but they been had known in the scene?

i would do that, too. it’s just like most guys i’ve talked to aren’t into twitter – they’re like ‘wtf is this shit?’ when i meet guys i’m like ‘i don’t have a twitter’ because i don’t want them to know that side of me yet. it’s personal to me. it’s my escape .

how would you identify your sexuality?

open – down for whatever. i don’t know if i would date a girl, i’m down for whatever hooking up wise, but i don’t know if i would date a girl because they’re too fucking crazy. i’m strictly.. with guys. i love that dick. being with a girl, i don’t know if i would have the same satisfaction as being with a guy.

hahaha strictly dickly. has that been a pattern with girls? where it hasn’t been as satisfying?

i’ve been hooking up with girls, like threesome wise, but like no one has fucked me with a dildo or anything like that. it just freaks me out you know what i mean? i’m just like ‘oh shit wtf is going on?’ haha. i feel like i’m curious and i’m open for whatever – love has no fucking gender to me. love is open or whatever. dating a girl.. i just don’t think i’m quite there yet, but still down to hook up or whatever. i’m down to have threesomes with my boyfriend like fuck it i don’t care. been had. like i had a threesome a couple months ago.. literally haha. the girl i did it with was like ‘i don’t believe in gay shit’ and i was like ‘really bitch because we’re about to have a threesome like..’ haha like obvi you’re down girl don’t play.

what’re your thoughts on dating in LA versus all the other places you’ve lived?

i’ve lived in miami, DC, all over.. i feel like dating in LA is just like sus because most guys are really like.. bisexual and shit. they’re really sus. you really can’t trust them. they have ulterior motives. compared to the east coast guys here are more open minded, but more sus. on the east coast guys know what they want, you know what i mean? they’re still sus, but they know what they want and they’ll go after it. in LA it’s like everyone’s gay so like why not? they say 95% of guys in LA are bi/gay. it’s fucking true. i feel like every guy is sus, i mean i’m not trying to stereotype every guy, but majority are sus.

do you believe in love? and do you think you could find it in LA?

i believe in love.. in a sexual way maybe? love is such a… like what the fuck is love nowadays? love can mean so many things nowadays it’s not a broad term. i could be in love with you but like i really fucking like you, you know what i mean? it’s like really hard to define nowadays what real fucking love is. i feel like in the 50s and 60s you really knew. like you stay with that person for life. nowadays people are shady.

do you think being shady is an age thing? or just our generation in general?

maybe when you’re younger it’s different because it’s difficult to trust that. with older people i feel like they know what they want. they’re like on their second divorce haha. i mean i feel like love does exist in the right person, but i wouldn’t generalize that all the time. i wouldn’t say love exists all the time. it has to be the right fucking person at the right time. what was the second question?

do you think you could find love in LA?

living in LA i just don’t think that i would find anyone.. maybe like a hook up buddy, but compared to all the cities i’ve been to i don’t think LA is the right place to like ‘find your soulmate’. like i’m not gonna go downtown to find my soulmate you know what i mean? let’s be real here haha. ‘i met my husband out at a club in west hollywood’ haha. bottom line everyone’s trying to be famous here, everyone’s trying to be somebody. everyone wants something in LA. if you don’t bring anything to the table people aren’t going to fuck with you. it’s a really sus city because it’s so selfish. you need to be giving in order to receive.

you have to suck LA’s dick.

you need to be careful out here because people will use you for anything. it’s hard to trust people like do they want to be my friend or do they just want something from me. i genuinely want to help people that don’t ask me for help, you know what i mean? when you do that you feel like you’re not being used. it’s weird when people are direct messaging me like ‘please RT my link’ and shit like that.

how do sex, drugs, and relationships work with you?

i don’t know why people follow me, maybe because they do take xanax? but it’s not like a druggie thing. people who follow me message me saying they have anxiety and they’re going through a hard time, etc. like that and they ask me for my advice and i help them. it’s not like i just do drugs to get fucked up all the time, i really don’t want that to be my fucking thing, i have a serious anxiety disorder with my fucking upbringing and shit. that’s the one thing i want to get across. i want to promote having a good time, not kill yourself on accident overdosing. i’m here for you if you have anxiety problems, you know what i mean? when i was 18 i fucked up. i used to go to clubs like 5 out of 7 days. i would be dying from partying so hard – shaking, throwing up. i learned a lot from that. your body’s not meant to go through all that you know? i came up with xanaxdreams last summer as something to be funny and entertaining. sometimes people misunderstand it and think i’m a druggie, when it’s not about that shit. it’s a play on words, but it’s like i do take xanax because i do have anxiety.

have drugs affected any of your relationships?

not me personally, but my boyfriends have been addicted to coke and i’ve been through that shit. it made me realize i don’t want that life. i don’t want to be on coke binges and wake up at 10pm and have to text people like ‘hey just woke up’. i don’t ever want to be like that. i’ll take coke with a little bit of alcohol, but i’ll never be a coke head doing lines all the time. my ex-boyfriend really scarred me with that. we couldn’t have a good relationship because of he was always doing coke. he would only be able to hang out at night because he would sleep all day and that’s not fair to me. like what am i supposed to be doing during the day? and sometimes he wouldn’t get hard because of the drugs so we couldn’t even have sex. it sucked.

i’ve been there before. it’s not a good look.

they’re addicts – they only want you on their own time. i do coke for fun. i’m not doing coke to go on a bender then pass out all day.

would you ever be down to date someone who’s sober?

i don’t think we’d get along. honestly, on a real level, i can’t be having someone judging me all the time just because i’m drinking or i’m doing drugs. i’m 24 years old, fuck that shit. if you want to be my dad, you can be my dad. if you want to be my boyfriend, be my boyfriend. my dad hates drinking. if he ever saw me drinking he would cut me for life. i mean i have respect for sober people, i just can’t see myself with someone who’s sober because i’m young and i just want to go out and have fun. i don’t need someone constantly judging me calling me a drug addict. i respect people who are sober because they can live their lives like that, but i can’t. i have other shit going on that i need help with. it’s like a band-aid. maybe sober people have never gone through shit like us and i respect that, but for me it’s a comforting thing. my mom doesn’t talk to me.. i need something. my dad used to party a lot. now he’s strictly sober and doesn’t want me to do anything. he’s told me stories about how he used to get fucked up everyday and i’m like ‘i’m 24 years old, why can’t i do that?’ i respect that he came through that and is mature enough to be sober, but i’m a grown ass woman i’ll figure it out myself.

if you know how to take drugs responsibly, why not?

if you’re responsible, you take care of yourself, you pay your bills, you have your food, what’s the problem?

how did you get a sugar daddy?

i was kidding one time and tweeted ‘i wish someone would pay for my rent’ and this canadian guy hit me up and told me he would. you never know! he messaged me asking how much i wanted. then he added me on facebook to make sure i wasn’t a catfish and paid me at the end of the month. i’m not pimping myself out, i’m just taking advantage of a good situation. and i didn’t have to do anything shady to get it so i’m straight. i have respect for myself you know?

you get to keep your dignity and the racks!! the dream. how did you lose your virginity?

umm.. literally i really don’t even know. like i don’t know.

haha wait what?

like the first time i tried to do it with my first boyfriend it hurt like shit and it didn’t work and he was like ‘fuck this shit’ and fucking dipped.

that’s sus as fuck.

he was being a dick about it. i was 21 years old. i lost my virginity really late because i was ready, but i was scared. so then i just ended up having a lot of booty calls until i lost my virginity. i wanted to lose my virginity so bad i just wanted to get it over with, so i called up this guy and we went to this park in DC. we’re fucking in his car and the police come and flash their lights on us. and this is the first time i’m having sex and i’m just like what the fuck. the police guy was flashing his light at me and i don’t have anything on. seriously i walked out in a big t-shirt and the guy kept telling us about how he could prosecute us for being naked in public, which is so stupid. we were waiting there for so long while he ran the records and everything it was so sus. we thought we were going to jail. i just wanted to lose my virginity! luckily we didn’t get a ticket or anything. we left the park and went to mcdonald’s and ate chicken nuggets and went home haha. he wasn’t my boyfriend. i went through this stage where i just wanted to experiment and shit like that.

what’s it like hanging out with strippers and porn stars? what makes you attracted to that life?

i think it’s cool because they’re really sexually free. i vibe with that. they don’t give a fuck. i want to be friends with girls that don’t give a fuck. they’re like pimps – they know the game. other girls that i’m friends with that are like porn stars or whatever, they’re lost in the game. they only want to be friends with me because they have no one else. they latch onto me like disclosure. but yea, sexually free people.. why not? we have similar interests it’s cool.

do you have any last words/thoughts/etc on sex/relationships/anything?

i just don’t want to be know as a druggie twitter. it’s more of a play on words because i don’t give a fuck and i’ll say whatever’s on my mind. i’m not trying to like put people on drugs or anything, that’s just not my style. have fun, live your life, be happy.

<3

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