Interview Series: Gilbert Trejo

State your name/age/occupation

My name is Gilbert Trejo. I am 25 years old, at current.. and I’m a writer.

You were in an 8 year relationship, how has it been coming out of that?

Um, it’s been a trip.. I mean.. the last 2 years of the relationship I would find myself, at times – okay so in high school, I don’t know, I was.. I did well for a pubescent boy. you know, it worked. That was all I knew. In high school it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. I don’t know, if you can’t get girls in high school you need to rethink a lot of stuff. For the last 2 years I would find myself sitting on the couch some days and thinking ‘if I went out right now, if I left the house right now and I went and I tried, could I pull a girl?’ you know. It had been 6 years since id even thought about it or tried.. I’m not a cheater.. I’m a faithful person. If I even have that urge I’ll end the relationship because I’m lying to myself. You know what I mean? So I would think, if you’ve been sitting on the bench for 6 years and your coach puts you in, do you still know how to play? So I had that. Then coming out of the relationship I decided I’m going to work on myself.. I got a certain level of success and I started going out.. coming out of an 8 year relationship at my age, for me, it was like a zombie apocalypse but they don’t want to eat your brain.

They want to eat your dick.

Yeah.

Do you think being the son of a celebrity is an advantage or disadvantage with girls?

I don’t bring it up. Sometimes other people will mention it, but it’s something I’ve never used.

Say you’re out, what’s something a girl can do to get your attention and make you want to approach her?

It’s really all over the place.. I mean you talk about physical things – I like a pretty neck and nice wrists. That’s fucking weird I guess haha. I don’t know it really all depends, I like to talk and have conversations. I don’t discriminate based on style or dress or anything. I’m not that guy that notices a girl from across the bar and says ‘did it hurt?’ haha.

Do you think that girls are attracted to your eye-patch?

(pauses) Yes.. some.. I mean it depends. it makes me look skeevy, so if they’re into that. It creeps some people out. It grosses some people out. It intrigues some people.

So how did you lose your virginity?

..Not in a fun way haha. I was like forced into it. Older kids would hang out with me when I was younger. I had an older cousin, mike, who was 14, and we lived on the same block in Venice.. There were these three different girls his age that lived on that street, so other kids would flock there. He would bring me around, so they got me smoking weed and drinking. Another one of my cousin’s had given me acid around my eleventh birthday.. mike wanted to top him so him and his friends shoved me in a bathroom with this older girl. She was thirteen or fourteen and I was like a little kid you know.. she had to sit me on the counter when we kissed haha. I mean, I was excited and everything, but I would’ve liked a better story.

And were you sexually active after that?

I didn’t have sex for awhile after that, but I.. I’d done other.. like, in 6th grade I got in trouble because a girl gave me head in the bathroom at our tiny little alternative school in Santa Monica.. Her older brother was a TA in his twenties, and the next day he cornered me ‘DID MY SISTER SUCK YOUR DICK?!’ and I’m just a little kid like ‘No! No! I swear!’ haha. But the next time I had sex was.. um.. with my friend’s little sister, then mostly with my first serious girlfriend.

How do sex and drugs correlate with you?

Um.. I don’t know. It depends on how you are with drugs. Some people just can’t do them, but for people who can, they make most things more fun – depending on the drug. Party drugs make you party.

Do you have any fantasies?

Like I’ve actually thought about? Well.. I really enjoy oral sex. Giving. Sex is always better if you go down on a girl first.. always better no matter what. Sometimes you’re lazy, sometimes you’re selfish, but then you’re just being lazy and selfish. It’s always better 100% of the time if you go down on a girl first.. unless you’re bad at it. I had told my ex at one point in our relationship if at any point in time you tell me to do that, I will do it. I’m not joking. We could be standing in the kitchen and you could get up on the kitchen counter and be like ‘go’ and I would love to. That was one thing I really wanted – the kitchen counter.. it had a corner like an L , and I specifically remember hoping that she would be like ‘I’m in the mood’ but she was kind of prude. I remember when I was 15 I ran away to vegas to get married.. an elvis wedding. It wasn’t legal. On the greyhound bus on the way back, I took her into the bathroom, she was only 14 and probably 90 fucking pounds.. I just picked her up and put her legs on my shoulders and she must’ve been like 5 feet in the air haha and just..

Do you like when girls are more aggressive?

It depends on what kind of aggressive.

As in taking control like you mentioned ‘I’m in the mood’

Yes I do like that. But then again it depends on where I am, because my spectrum when it comes to moods and emotions is like fucking.. miles apart. So I can get really deep into the wrong mental/emotional state for anything. Any human contact at all. I write and I work on screenplays a lot so I’ll have different characters that I’m literally thinking as, you know, feeling as. Sometimes I’m falling in love with characters that I’m writing about, or sometimes I’m completely shut down to the idea of falling in love. So yes I do, when I do. If that makes any sense.

Well I was going to ask you, how does being in a relationship with someone affect your writing and vice versa?

Um.. uh.. sometimes I can be insanely isolated, but I try my hardest to be open about it and to let them know at the jump that ‘I’m gonna be like this, because this is what I’m doing and I’ve seen how it effects people.. If this is going to bother you I apologize, like I’m sorry now because by the time it does bother you, I’m going to be so deep into it – so isolated and cold – that..’ you know.. okay a few months ago, I was seeing this girl and uh.. and I was working on a screenplay and was right at the end – and I didn’t have a lot of time to do this one.. usually, if I need to, I have time to work on a character for months before moving on to the next– but with this one it was like I wrote a first draft quick and it got picked up really quick. So I had to get right into it, I had to get into every character at the same time. The main character was going through a period of complete and utter self-destruction, and actively trying to fuck his life up. There was another character that was in love with him and he was blind to it. So I had to figure out how to be in love with a part of my own mind while being completely blind to affection with another, do you know what I mean? There are scenes of the guy waking up at a bar at 11 in the morning, or sitting next to the girl and when she leans over him and touches his shoulder to give him the hint and he moves it like ‘the fuck?’. So I’m this dude, then I’m the weird psychopath that’s following him around, and then I’m the creepy guy that’s jerking off to pictures in the photo booth, and I’m the girl that’s in love with him and it’s like – um.. I don’t know.. it gave her the wrong impression of.. me.. you know?

Yea I know.. so you’re a pretty well-off guy, would you ever consider being someone’s sugar daddy?

Well I don’t think I’ll be that old 40 something guy that’s with young girls, that’s gross.. but lately I’ve been doing this thing with money where I give myself a daily allowance. But, say I have $400 in my pocket and say I go to a bar with 2 girls.. I’ll spend that $400 if they want haha. I had a friend of mine, who I’ve been friends with for a long time, and I hung out with her and 3 of her friends and right when we got there I was like ‘what’s everyone drinking?’ and you know there’s 4 girls and shots and she pulled my aside and was like ‘you don’t even know these girls, you need to be only buying me a drink’ haha.

What’s the craziest sexual experience you’ve ever had?

(pause) um.. okay so I had this girlfriend when I was 15.. I didn’t know a lot about what grossed everyone out.. like social norms, because I’ve never cared in any aspect of my life. I’ve always said ‘fuck it. We’re pirates. We don’t have to care about what’s normal.. normal to who?’ It’s ironic that I fucked up my eye and actually look like one now. Anyways, I charmed her dad into letting me just move in. I slept in her bed, we showered together.. about a month into it, or however long since her last menstruation, she got her period. Now I had never been with a girl who was on her period before that.. and I didn’t know that people cared about that – I didn’t know that I was supposed to care.. I started to go down on her, I obviously knew what a period was, I had just never experienced it.. in my face. Lips to lips or whatever haha. So um.. she was really crazy, like a real sexual girl. She would always say it was because she was a Scorpio, I remember. She didn’t care. A lot of times girls are shy about it. So I’m down there, and it must have been a really heavy one, because it was all over me. All over my face, I had to take my shirt off because it was soaked, and I brought it dripping up when I move from.. so it was like all over our chests – her face now, too. We looked like carrie haha. And we started like tracing designs on each other with our fingers. We had to like scrape it off the bed frame the next day haha. So when I told my friends about it, like ‘dude I had a crazy night last night!’ (pause) ..none of my friends really, uh.. related to me sexually after that. And I don’t know if that’s the craziest thing but since it was the first..

It stuck with you.

Yea. And then, you know, the older you get you really don’t find girls that are willing to drench their own face in their period blood.

Yea.. they’re down. Haha ‘drench their face in their own period blood’ I’ll die. Do you have any last words/comments/feelings about sex/relationships in today’s age? Or how you relate to it?

I think that today there’s a fucked up sort of expectation to like.. “live”. I’ve always wanted to have one of those relationships that was like 50-60 years long – one of those die right after the other one for no reason kind of relationships. I think that that’s pretty much gone now.. I don’t think that when we get older anyone will have had that. When I got with this girl when I was younger, I told her.. I said ‘you’re going to leave me.. in your early twenties to be wild and promiscuous, or you’re going to hate me forever because you’ll think I kept you from that.’ Maybe I only say this because living came naturally to me.. I never chased any experience or felt dissatisfied with myself and who I was. That whole misconception and the idea that girls need to groom. That’s like really intense now.

You’re a big fan of the bush.

Yes. I’m a bush man haha. The thing is, you tell a girl to just be comfortable, but they’re so programmed to think waxing and shaving is necessary, that shaving is what they see as comfortable. Whereas 40 years ago, before all that, women would have found that uncomfortable. THEY MADE MERKINS, you know what I’m saying? Nowadays I bet merkin sales have gone way down. I’m sure now they’ll start making bald caps. It’s fucked up.

OMG vag and dick bald caps – a new business venture by Gilbert Trejo.

Nah I’m against it. I’m startin’ a merkin company.

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